RETRO ARMY MADNESS
What’s up, losers? Just kidding, you’re not losers, but you know us, we just LOVE to keep y’all on y’all’s toes, and today, we’re gonna blow your goddamn minds by selling you FIVE GAMES for just $2.50! That’s right you inevitable math nerds, that means each game is FIFTY CENTS A POP! So what’s the deal? Are we crazy? Or just stupid? How can we possibly make ANY MONEY AT ALL when our prices are so low?! Guess, what you luckies, the truth is, WE JUST DON’T CARE! Chrono is about bringing you sick deals on different games every single day, and when we got FIVE of them, and the price point per game is probably the LOWEST WE’VE EVER GONE, that just sounds like a win. So let’s see what the hell you’re gonna be buying:
Boom. You like armies? We got armies. You like shooting? We got shooting. You like the FEEL of historical world wars but not the geopolitical and cultural baggage from the ones we’ve had IRL? Sounds like you wanna play Super Trench Attack. Plus it’s funny, so you can laugh while you’re shredding bad guys.
You can beat that WHOLE GODDAMN GAME, and there’ll STILL be plenty of world warring to do, because GUESS WHAT? Super Trench Attack got a sequel called Super Trench Attack 2, and in this one it’s all about strategy and random battles. If you were ever a general in your life, or just imagine yourself as one, we bet you’d be pretty into this one, and remember, it’s ONLY FIFTY CENTS, so get excited.
But forget about that, because now we’re beating guys up in a fighting game about cops and criminals set in 1990’s future cyberpunk Korea, and it’s called Verdict Guilty. Beat up the computer, beat up your friends, and also do a kickflip, cause guess what? There’s still plenty of guns, and that’s what you love! Yay!
Now, for a quick change of pace, imagine you’re the grim reaper, you got too hungover, and that pesky old Dracula just couldn’t stop himself from stealing a bunch of your souls, and now two undead warriors are on their way to get them back...by playing a Breakout-style ball and bat game called Death’s Hangover. This is also one of the games you’re getting for half a dollar, and yes, it’s as cool as it sounds.
And finally, last but CERTAINLY not least, it’s Dungeon Marathon! Have you ever thought to yourself “man, I love these dungeons, but I just wish I was always running and never had to fight anyone?” Well, either way, there are worse ways of spending fifty bucks, and that’s all she wrote! Have fun!
|Developer:||Retro Army Limited|
|Publisher:||Retro Army Limited|